Verde...

I’ve been in America for 5 days now and I’ve got a job as a host in a local restaurant. Living the dream.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!! It’s finally nice to be back in a country where this glorious holiday is not only recognized, but celebrated. 

Adios

The Pacific ocean along the coast of Camaná, Peru now has a pair of my sunglasses. I thought for sure that my shades would stay on whilst getting smacked in the face by waves. Guess not. But not all was a loss, it feels good to have a sunburn again.

Me gusta la guitarra...

No this is not a Manu Chao song. Bought a guitar about a week ago with absolutely no idea how to play it. Now I’m that guy playing the same 3 chords over and over again silently telling myself, “Next time, I’ll get it next time”. My roommates are thrilled. 

Watch yourself...

Walking home alone on Saturday night, a block away from his house, my buddy got jumped by 4 guys who beat the shit out of him, shoved him in a car, and rolled him down a hill on the outskirts of town. Luckily he hitchhiked to a hospital and although his face is not too pretty, he’ll be alright. And people wonder why I carry around brass knuckles…

My roommate’s Peruvian boyfriend has been staying with us and I’m pretty sure he’s taking 3 showers a day because come 2:30pm, there is absolutely no hot water. Possible lesson to be learned: Showering is not a leisure activity when the only source of hot water comes from solar panels. 

On a different note, I’ve been dropping hints to our director about how awesome it would be to have the 4th of July off from teaching. Guess who doesn’t work tomorrow? Now if only I can find an Osama Bin Laden piñata…

When you’re hungover in a foreign country looking at the endless list of sandwich options, the go-to should always be the “Americano”. Playing on the, “All Americans are fat” stereotype, the sandwich usually includes 3 different types of meat, egg, and cheese. In that case, I’ll have one here and pack one up to go señorita. 

I’m a big fan of all the pastel colors used in Latin American countries. A majority of cities in the States are characterized by big concrete buildings plated with glass and steel which make me feel cold. Having traveled through Central America and Peru / Chile, I much prefer the pastel color schemes and vibrant chalk-drawn signs offering daily specials. 

I got asked for directions today by a Peruvian and truth be told, it felt pretty good. There I stood, reveling in the fact that he didn’t think I was another bumbling tourist, oblivious to the difference between ‘caleta’ y 'calato’. (big difference by the way). After I had had my moment, I turned toward him, smiled, and said, “no sé”. Always glad to be of service. 

Calvin & Hobbes is classic. This was a surprising gift from one of my students. I watched her draw it in class which was quite impressive to say the least. 

Exam day is tomorrow, which means for 8 hours I will be learning unnecessary words that exist in the English language only to make standardized testing that much more difficult. 

Today was pizza day and as always, it was entertaining. Whilst manhandling a piece of pizza, I watched a student stare in horror as a piece of sausage fell off the slice and onto the floor. As if in slow motion, he did 3 back to back glances from the pizza to the wounded soldier that lay isolated on the grubby blue carpet. He then swept his eyes around the room, and after confirming that no one was watching, bent down and picked up the sausage between his forefingers. Without even as much as a second thought, he delicately plopped it back onto his slice, smiled, and took a bite as if nothing had happened. Don’t worry, Gabo, I’m sure no one else saw it. 

Who knew the 71 year old owner of my gym was a die hard Mariners fan? I wonder if he gets as frustrated as my WA state friend’s do when the M’s choke… Probably. 

Speaking of which, due to ‘financial restrictions’, my gym owner seems to think he is perfectly capable of welding random pieces of metal together to recreate pictures of machines taken off the internet. Of course, I’m the guinea pig and with a frantic waving of his arms and a complete disregard to my forlorn look, I hop on his “machine” and give it a whirl. Although 1 or 2 have worked, I’m usually diving out of the way of crashing metal as I give him an “I told you so” look. Like a mad scientist, he grabs the parts, hauls them outside, and fires up the torch in an attempt to mimic the “oh so favorable” American weight machines. As I glance outside he turns around and gives me that “I’ll get it this time” look, although I’m sure we both know what we can expect the outcome to be. 

Inca Kola: A principal food group in any Peruvian’s diet

Knife in hand, I gaze upon the 18 ‘paltas’ in front of me wondering yet again how I landed myself in this situation. “Guacamole for 30 people? Ya, no problem!” Ah, my big mouth. At this point in my life, I shouldn’t be surprised, and as I prepare for the task that awaits I can’t help but shake my head and laugh. I quickly sharpen my blade, crank up the reggaeton, and head towards the cutting board like an executioner anxious for work. Long live guacamole. 

Ahhh, so that's how it works...

So there I was, ignorantly accepting my change from a supermarket without ever questioning if I had received the right change. And then it hit me, Peru doesn’t have any freaking pennies. There doesn’t exist a 1 cent coin. So naturally I wondered where that money was going. I finally asked a cashier today what the deal was. To which she explained that if the price is 4 cents or lower, they round down and 5 or more rounds up. Very clever Peru. 

On a side note I had ceviche today and combined with my day off, today has been the best day all week. 

I'm bartering, of course I'm going to low ball you...

So there I was, standing in a tankie and shades inside of a corner store (of which I am allowed to go into, get with the times El Salvador) with one sol in my left hand and an avocado in my right, so perfect for guacamole that even Vicente Guerrero would declare it worthy of being mashed. “Buenas!” I yell, working to establish my superiority as a tiny old man hobbles out of the back. As soon as he hits the door way he freezes, shoots his gaze down to my right hand and then to my left. We lock eyes but if for a moment and I realize I’m going to have to be smooth if I’m going to get away with this deal. He creeps over to me and grabs the avocado, holding it up to his face as if it were a precious diamond. The señor throws it into the air and catches it as it lands into the palm of his hand. “Un sol cincuenta” I am told. Surely this can be negotiated I think. I palm the sol, knowing that I won’t settle for anything more and smugly I counter with “Ochenta centavos”. He eyes the avocado in his hand trying to visually determine the weight, “Un sol veinte”. I methodically move my sol to my thumb and flick it into the air knowing that the shiny coin will capture his attention and as it lands softly into my palm I thrust it forward and say “Una luca o nada”. He shifts his eyes to the left and right, looking a bit uneasy but finally I hear what I’ve been waiting for since I entered the tienda. “Tenemos un acuerdo, pero no digas a mi esposa”. He snatches the coin, tosses me the avocado and shuffles into the back as I smile and turn to leave with my lush green prize in hand.