#17: Out of Sight, But Never Out of Mind
We've all been there - life gets insanely hectic, and the social connections that once felt so effortless start to fray at the edges. Those weekly hangouts with your college roommates turn into monthly catch-up calls that eventually peter out into radio silence. The workout buddy you used to meet at the gym three times a week is now just an occasional "like" on your social media posts.
It's an all-too-common phenomenon that psychologists have dubbed the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. According to a study by psychologists at Northwestern University, the human brain has a tendency to prioritize what is happening in the present moment, making it harder to keep up connections that fall out of our immediate field of view.
But just because our lazy brains might sometimes struggle to make space for far-flung friends and family, that doesn't make nurturing those bonds any less critical. Numerous studies have shown that strong social ties are essential for our mental and physical wellbeing.
One landmark study from Brigham Young University found that prolonged loneliness and social isolation can be as damaging to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes per day. Other research indicates that having a strong social circle can help buffer against depression, high blood pressure, and even dementia as we age.
So how do we fight that insidious "out of sight, out of mind" impulse and prioritize the people who matter most to us? Here are a few tried-and-true tips:
Put it on the calendar. Just as you would schedule a work meeting or a doctor's appointment, block off time for a monthly video call with your long-distance bestie or a quarterly weekend trip to visit family.
When you get together, be present. It's easy to take our closest friends and relatives for granted when we see them regularly. But if your visits are few and far between, make those hangouts count by giving them your full and undivided attention.
Let go of expectations. Life moves in seasons, and there may be times when career demands or parenting obligations mean you simply can't be as socially-connected as you'd like. The friends who matter won't hold that against you.
My own story is a case-in-point about the importance of making room for relationships, no matter how much time has passed. My closest friend from Beijing lives halfway across the country (Bangkok), and there were years when we barely spoke beyond an annual catch-up call or message.
But then one of us would move cities, and we'd reconnect over planning visits to check out each other's new hometown. Or one of us would go through a breakup or other life crisis, and we'd resume our well-worn pattern of venting and giving each other pep talks like we'd never skipped a beat.
The longest stretches of silence never change the fact that this friend has been one of the few core constants in my life for almost a decade now. We can pick up right where we left off because the foundation of understanding and trust is still there, unshakable.
In our swipe-left world of dispostional relationships, having a person who has seen you at your highest highs and lowest lows - and loves you all the same - is increasingly rare and precious. They are the living archives of our life stories, reminders of where we came from and how far we've come.
So fight against your brain's tendency to let those vital social ties fray into nothingness. Put in the work, even when life is hectic, and their face isn't in front of you every day. The people who really matter are worth making room for, again and again. Out of sight does not have to mean out of mind.
