#16: The Agony and the Ecstasy of Waiting
Waiting is a universal human experience, one that can evoke a range of emotions from profound frustration to eager anticipation. Whether it's waiting in line at the DMV, waiting for a important phone call, or waiting for a new album to drop, the feeling of suspended animation can be maddening.
Expressions like "hurry up and wait," "I'm tired of waiting," and "I HATE waiting" point to the deep discomfort many people feel with having to pause and be patient. Our fast-paced, on-demand culture has conditioned us to expect instant gratification. Any delay can feel like an eternity.
Yet ironically, the song "Waiting on the World to Change" by John Mayer speaks to the value of a "wait and see" approach. Sometimes the most profound transformations require us to patiently bide our time. As the saying goes, "good things come to those who wait." The anticipation can make the payoff all the sweeter.
Psychologists have long been fascinated by the human experience of waiting, and have devised various experiments to study it. One classic test is the "marshmallow experiment," conducted by researcher Walter Mischel in the 1960s. In this study, young children were offered a choice - they could either eat one marshmallow immediately, or wait several minutes and receive two marshmallows. The ability of these children to delay gratification and hold out for the greater reward revealed impressive self-control and capacity for deferred gratification. Studies have shown that the "high delay" children who were able to wait tended to exhibit greater academic success, social competence, and emotional regulation later in life. These findings underscore the importance of cultivating patience and the ability to tolerate delay - skills that serve us well both in the short-term and long-term.
Psychologists also suggest that our aversion to waiting is rooted in a primal fear of the unknown. When we don't know how long we'll have to wait or what the outcome will be, our anxiety spikes. Waiting forces us to relinquish control, which many find deeply unsettling.
Perhaps this is why publications like Highlights magazine became popular in doctor's offices and other waiting rooms. The engaging puzzles, stories, and activities provided a welcome distraction from the frustration of the wait. By occupying our minds, they helped transform forced downtime into a more pleasant experience. Unfortunately, that ever-popular magazine has since been replaced by smartphones and tablets.
One interesting perspective on waiting comes from the world of sports. In many competitive events, the ability to wait patiently for the right moment to strike can mean the difference between victory and defeat. Take tennis, for example - the best players know how to bide their time, conserve energy, and seize the critical points when their opponent falters. Likewise in chess, the grandmasters excel at anticipating their opponent's moves and patiently plotting their next strategic move. In these realms, waiting is not a passive state, but an active form of mental preparation and disciplined focus.
On a deeper level, the practice of waiting can cultivate important virtues like humility, faith, and acceptance. When we find ourselves in a period of enforced waiting - whether it's waiting for a medical test result, waiting out a relationship challenge, or waiting for a major life transition - it forces us to surrender control and trust in a process larger than ourselves. This can be enormously growth-inducing, helping us let go of ego, gain perspective, and appreciate the unfolding of the divine timing. Rather than resisting the wait, we may find that fully inhabiting it unlocks profound inner resources and spiritual insights.
At the end of the day, learning to wait gracefully is an essential life skill. Those who can embrace the pause, stay present, and have faith in the process often find that the wait was worth it. The ability to suspend our expectations and be patient just might be the key to accessing the deeper gifts that life has in store.
