Learning to Let Go
Letting go is never easy. It’s especially difficult when the thing, or person, you held on to in the first place was a source of great comfort and stability at a time when everything felt like it was crashing down around you. Times though, as they often do, change, and so do people. Plans get altered, possibilities for the future unfold, and what seemed like a good idea 12 months ago either is no longer a viable option or now doesn’t hold as much weight as something new. Or perhaps, in some cases, not sticking to your original plan is the best option, even when there’s nothing to replace it.
Moving on is unquestionably hard. You’re leaving the known, the familiar, the comfortable, and though you might believe it to be the best choice, knowing that your future self will thank you, nothing anyone says makes it any easier. It’s hard, gut-wrenching, and makes you second guess yourself, both about the decision you’re making as well as what it says about who you are as a person. Am I hurting someone else in order for me to be happy? Is that fair? Is it justified? Am I breaking commitments that I made to someone at a time when I felt fully convinced that I would follow through with them?
Times change. Ideas change. Feelings change. It’s inevitable, but even knowing that doesn’t seem to make it an easier pill to swallow. The biggest challenge, however, is the feeling of regret. You question whether you’re making the “right” decision, both for yourself and for other parties involved. And that feeling is difficult to come to terms with because it’s only in the future that we realize whether it was or wasn’t the “right” decision. And on top of that, perhaps your definition of “right” has changed along the way. It’s all very complicated and theoretical, and for most people, including myself, it manifests as “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
But eventually, you will move on in your own way, and you’ll fill the void that you swore would always be there. You’ll have changed in the process, for better or for worse, but you won’t be the same. And that’s life. It’s about growing as a person, making the tough decisions, and learning in the process so that you make better choices in the future. Letting go doesn’t mean you’ll lose the memories, the love or the feelings, or that you won’t think back fondly on your time together. It simply means that whatever or whoever you let go of will no longer be an active part of your life. And the hard truth is that it’s going to be ok. As many parents often tell their children: “It’s not the end of the world.”
Being a human is hard, and choosing to be with another person is even harder. Conflicts of interests, culture, personality, hopes, dreams, ambitions—they all come out at some point, and either you adapt, or you compromise, or you find someone that better aligns with the way you see the world. And the same holds true both for relationships as for the question of whether you made the right decision—only time will tell.
