This photo explains everything you need to know about Beijingers in the gym

Here’s a picture of Mao Zedong. It’s Tuesday, be happy.

Ahhh..

The joy of Chinese Spring Festival, where everything shuts down for at least a week. I’ve been running around Shuangjing trying to negotiate deals with hotel gyms to let me workout while my gym is closed. Had a desk clerk contemplate a bribe until a manager walked around the corner and I was firmly told, “Sorry, it’s $40 for 1 time”.

The question remains, “What to do for a 2 and a half week vacation in China?”

Good on ya'

I wear shorts to the gym and to work, and as of late, all Chinese dudes over age 30 look at me, smile, and give me a thumbs up when they see me. People are always asking me if I’m cold, to which I reply, “I’m not a little girl”. My Chinese isn’t great, but I can still convey sarcasm. The cultural behavior in China never ceases to amaze me. 

Walking across the bridge and for whatever reason, this guy was obviously too boss to stand

‘Big eyes’

The 'it' factor..

Big eyes. This needs to be addressed. Wether it’s a 7 year old in my class, a 24 year old girl I go out with, or the attitude of the general public, they unanimously agree that big eyes are attractive. I have a couple speculations. Perhaps it’s because it’s something different from the norm. Foreigners stand out for many reasons, and having ‘big eyes’ seems to be a top factor. When I see billboards or advertisements in the subway, there are Chinese models with big eyes. Social media influences society and these models with 'big eyes’ are regarded as 'attractive’. As a foreigner, I don’t see the appeal, although on some level, I understand it. America is such a melting pot that seeing a person with unique physical features isn’t all that rare and I don’t tend to stare or see them as 'more attractive’. 

Before I left Peru a lot of Peruvians said, “Oh you’re going to China, everyone looks the same”. Which was funny, because the same can be said for Peruvians. Brown skin, brown hair, and brown eyes. As a foreigner with white skin, brown hair, and 'big’ blue eyes, I suppose I’ll take the compliment of having 'big eyes’ and continue to live my life in Beijing amid a sea of stares. 

Once more into the breach dear friends

Umm, excuse me?

Having traveled so much, I’m aware that social customs differ from country to country. However, there are some that still strike me as strange all the way to, “What the fuck?” In China, there are many that fall between this range. 

- Old guys, outside of the gym, always touch my shoulders/arms and say “So strong!” in Chinese. I know I’m strong, I go to the gym, but I don’t need you to physically grope me when I’m out in public. I’ve gotta stop wearing tank tops

- A lot of Chinese girls wear shoes with at least a 2-3 inch platforms. Not high heels, just regular shoes, with a couple inches of extra foam. I asked a co-worker why and she said, “They make me look skinnier!” No, you still look fat, just a little bit taller

- Smoking at the gym, still irks me. 

- A lot of people I talk to ask me about the season finale of TV shows, even though they are on season 1. They want to know the final result. My American buddy said that Americans love the suspense and unknown, whereas Chinese people are more focused on knowing the ending, and studying the results of how it came to be. For me, this defeats the purpose of watching the show in the first place

- Kids pooping in public. This has got to stop. It is super weird walking outside of a mall and there is a 4 year old dropping a deuce in the flowers outside the entrance

- A girl I work with told me to turn down the air conditioning or she would get sick. What??

- The starting fare for a taxi is 13 Yuan and takes a couple of minutes to start increasing. After (I think) 11pm, the starting fare is 14 Yuan and increases immediately upon moving

- It’s Fall and I’ve yet to see a girl in yoga pants. I miss American University

- I don’t understand why Chinese people don’t like African Americans or black people from any country. They constantly use ‘The N Word’, and I’ve heard some of the most racist things come out of Chinese peoples’ mouths about black people. I told a co-worker to shut his mouth before I shut it for him. I couldn’t handle the blatant racism and his denial that they were real people. 

Wait, What?

It’s certainly been interesting to realize how different Chinese culture & customs are compared to those of America. I’m not speaking on behalf of China, but here are some things I’ve noticed since being in Beijing. 

• People tell me that I shouldn’t chew my gum for more than 20 minutes or I’ll get cancer
• The girls I work with don’t understand why I don’t want to be friends with some of the other Americans. They have a difficult time understanding why I can be nice to them and acknowledge them as good teachers, but don’t like their personalities and choose not to spend time with them outside of work
• A girl I know drives an automatic and when she comes to a stop, she’ll put the car in neutral and pop the e-brake
• I’ve had multiple people tell me that Chinese women shouldn’t shower for a month after having a baby
• When I ask Chinese girls how to pronounce a swear word, they laugh, then cover their mouth and shake their head no. I still haven’t heard a Chinese girl swear
• Although bike lanes exist, they are the most hazardous areas on the road. Last night a women opened the taxi door, which protruded into the bike lane and I biked straight into it. Upon picking myself up and cursing at the woman, she just kept yelling and pointing at the taxi. Be accountable lady. Pedestrians also step into the bike line without regard, mini taxis (like those you see in Thailand) make passing impossible, and there are hundreds of scooters traveling at varying speeds to make Chinese bike lanes unnavigable and avoidable at all costs
• Elevator common sense does not exist. Before anyone can get out of an elevator, people are already trying to push their way in, creating unnecessary congestion. I often look at them, shake my head and say, “What are you doing?” This is a daily occurrence 
• All the Chinese girls I know love Asian cartoons. Although the cartoons vary from person to person, their fan-hood is unwavering. Phones backgrounds, computer desktops, t-shirts, coffee mugs, stickers, you name it, all covered by scenes or characters from the show
• The hipster culture is alive and well in Beijing. I’ve never seen so many people wear sunglasses with no frames
• I don’t even know how to describe this. At night, in a plaza type looking area, there will be upwards of 50 old Chinese people moving in a circle, dancing to old Chinese music (it looks more like old people shuffling in a circle and occasionally moving their arms). People tell me they do it for exercise. It’s one of the weirdest things I’ve seen. 

Teachers for days

Ting Bu Dong...

I know it’s coming, I can see it before it even happens. Some Chinese girl on a bike comes flying through the intersection, I yell, but since I’m on a fixed gear and she doesn’t know how to use her brakes, we crash. I help her up and she starts yelling at me in Chinese. Within 2 minutes, there are at least 20 Chinese people around us, taking in the bilingual yelling match. She is yelling about her broken high heel and bike basket which got dented. I ask her if she wants money and she says no, but she wants me to give her a new shoe and basket. Sorry, I’m fresh out of those. I explain that I have to go to work, but of course no one understands. I also tell her that it takes 2 people to crash and although I am the foreigner, I am not solely responsible for the accident. I had planned to just ride off but there are now 30 people circled around us and I have no where to go. Some old man says I should give her 500 Yuan. WHAT? I tell him to promptly ‘Fuck off’. I end up giving her 26 Yuan, and slowly squeeze my way through the throng of people hoping no one chases after me. I can’t stand (the majority of) Chinese motorists and people on bikes. I would call them cyclists, but cyclists at least have an understanding of how to use a bike. On a lighter note, my fixed gear took no damage. Total crashes so far: 1

Los tres payasos