#34: Living La Vie en Rose: Adventures with Toby the French Bulldog
Life has a funny way of turning upside down when you least expect it. One minute, you're living a perfectly orderly existence, and the next, you're cohabitating with a pint-sized tornado named Toby – a French Bulldog puppy with an outsized personality and a penchant for chaos.
Did you know that the average dog consumes about 1 ounce of water per pound of body weight daily? Well, Toby seems determined to break that record – not by drinking, mind you, but by relocating his entire water bowl to the living room floor. His water bowl isn't just a source of hydration; it's his personal splash pad, a doggy water park if you will. I've taken to calling the area around his bowl "Toby's Tsunami Zone." Perhaps he's training for the Canine Olympics in the yet-to-be-announced "Water Displacement" category.
They say French Bulldogs are low-energy dogs. Whoever "they" are, they clearly haven't met Toby. This little guy treats my condo like it's the Indianapolis 500, but with more hairpin turns and impromptu pit stops. He's perfected what I call the "Frenchie Frenzy" – a high-speed chase of absolutely nothing, punctuated by sudden stops to investigate a dust bunny or his own tail.
Statistics show that Frenchies can run at speeds up to 15 mph. Toby? He's aiming to break the sound barrier. Einstein's theory of relativity comes to mind – time seems to slow down for me as I watch him zip by, while from his perspective, he's probably traveling through multiple dimensions.
When he's not impersonating a furry bullet, Toby fancies himself a master of espionage. His favorite mission? Operation Undercover, where he attempts to wedge himself into the most improbable spaces beneath my furniture. It's like watching a submarine try to hide under a rowboat.
Fun fact: French Bulldogs were originally bred as companion dogs for lace workers in England. I can only assume those lace workers had a lot of low-lying furniture for practice. Toby's stealth mode would put any ninja to shame, if only his snoring didn't give away his position every single time.
But for all his aquatic adventures and speed demon antics, Toby transforms into the world's most adorable paperweight when naptime rolls around. As we lounge on the sofa, basking in the afternoon sun, he becomes a warm, snoring bundle on my chest. It's in these moments that I'm reminded of why I fell in love with this little guy in the first place.
Did you know that dogs can sleep for 12 to 14 hours a day? Toby seems determined to test the upper limits of this range, especially when he's found the perfect sunbeam. It's like watching a solar-powered battery recharge, only infinitely cuter and with more drool.
In the few short weeks since Toby barreled into my life, my condo has transformed into a obstacle course of chew toys, my clothes have become a testament to the shedding powers of a creature that weighs less than a bag of groceries, and my heart has grown three sizes. They say owning a French Bulldog is like having a clown in a dog suit. If that's the case, then my life has become a three-ring circus, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Who knew that the path to enlightenment would be paved with paw prints, punctuated by snores, and absolutely soaked in water bowl spillage? Toby may be small, but his impact on my life has been anything but. As I watch him dream, twitching and yipping softly in his sleep, I can't help but wonder: Is he chasing rabbits in his dreams, or is he plotting his next water bowl aquatic extravaganza? Either way, I'm along for the ride.
Life with Toby is many things, but boring isn't one of them. He's taught me that sometimes, the best way to navigate life's challenges is to face them head-on – preferably at full speed, with your tongue hanging out, and a trail of destruction in your wake. After all, why walk through life when you can zoom through it on four paws.
